then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
