I swear she didn't look like that last week.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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