Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
