He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize