come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
