We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
