my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
