my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
