I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
