Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
