It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize