You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
