I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Randomize
