Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
