Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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