i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
