batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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