We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
