Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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