Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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