Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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