If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
