Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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