youre lurking in front of me
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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