dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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