remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
you never un-have a 4some
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
