I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
