What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
