If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
