just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
