I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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