can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
