I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
