I could have mohawked her pubes.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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