Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
