life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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