I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
