I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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