Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
