Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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