Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
