i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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