32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
