i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
