Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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