Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
