Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
