We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
