just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
