My room smells like vodka and shame
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
