Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
