there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
