Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
