Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
