the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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