I just pynch a tree in the face
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
