i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
