We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
