Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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