Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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