My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
a search helicopter?!
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
