I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
