I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
