her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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