Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She just used a chaser for red wine.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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