my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The beer is more important than you right now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
