D3 body, D1 cock
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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