i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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