He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
