My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
