Kiss
Puke
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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