I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
