i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
