I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
