I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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